My Peter Pan Syndrome

Do you remember what you wanted to be when you were a kid? If you were anything like me, those aspirations ranged from ballerina to cheerleader to actress to at-home artist (that's the technical term I used for it). I've also had fleeting dreams of being a writer, architect, interior designer, and teacher (the one I ended up getting a degree in).

Recently, my brother-in-law pointed me in the direction of a book called Cure for the Common Life by Max Lucado. Lucado asks that you start your journey of "self-discovery" (okay, that's cheesy, but work with me, okay?) by delving into your childhood dreams. It has definitely started me down a path of inward inspection that is difficult, mainly because I've discovered that I remember very little about being a kid. Seriously, when did that happen? It's kind of hard for me to recall the things that got me excited.

As I mentioned, my bachelor's degree is in teaching. Yet, I find myself a year outside of college and with little desire to teach. In fact, I've been going through a bit of a "quarter-life crisis" as I try to wrangle my hopes and dreams into something managable, and into something that can hopefully become a source of purpose (and income). I suppose that internal struggle is one reason I started this blog and what inspired its name.

As I've thought about my big dreams for my future and those that I held in the past, I've found a few things in common:

1) I love beauty. At-home artist. Writer. English teacher. Interior designer. Even my wish to be a mom hints at my desire to make things beautiful. I think that's why I spend so much time and energy keeping my apartment neat and clean, as well as why I seek out books with rich character development and vivid descriptions. I long for beauty.
2) I want to make things better. That's where my desire to be a teacher comes in. I know that I want to live life with purpose. I'm just not sure what that will look like just yet.

What I'm learning (with the help of the kicks in the pants that Oswald Chambers' My Utmost for His Highest provides) is that God does not desire some ultimate, world-changing act on His behalf. Instead, He wants our daily moments along the journey. And dang, that is the absolute hardest lesson to learn. It is a lesson that I have to remind myself of almost every moment, and it hasn't fully saturated my thick skull. However, I do know that I want to walk it with God with the profession of "child of God" under my belt.

And since I will always be His child, I never truly have to grow up--which means I will always be Peter Pan.